If you find yourself in a sexless relationship, you are not alone. It is also okay if you miss sex or long for the evenings of passion that once came easily at the beginning.
There are many different reasons we find ourselves in sexless relationships. Children, chronic pain, job expectations, or age top the list of reasons it may no longer be a priority. Is there anything you can do to reignite the spark?
Sex is important in relationships, and without it, someone's needs are not met. There are always exceptions, and some couples can continue with a happy relationship without physical intimacy. But for most, it is a matter of balancing priorities with a bit of sacrifice, so you may find a way to be intimate again.

What Is a Sexless Relationship

Sex Therapists define a sexless marriage as engaging in sexual intimacy ten times a year or less. With that said, there is not a definite number necessary to qualify as being a sexless relationship. If sex is infrequent, less than desirable, or even not stimulating, it may be considered sexless.
When sex becomes infrequent, couples can find it is embarrassing, awkward, or feel a disconnection between them the next time they are intimate. There is a common cycle that can occur among couples:

• There is a long period between sexual encounters
• Pressure and tension builds between the two individuals
• One or both feel elevated expectations of having sex or performing
• When they are intimate, one or both feels like a failure
• Those failures cause couples to wait longer until the next encounter

Why Is Sex Important in Relationships

Sex is an important component of a relationship. We are born sexual and later become erotic. Without regular sexual intimacy, couples can find themselves living like roommates. Though many are happy to live this way, it can lead to resentment.

What Contributes to Sexless Relationships

Let's dig further into factors influencing intimacy. Reasons vary from health challenges to lifestyle choices.

Libido

The drive for sex may vary like the weather throughout the relationship. Sometimes the need comes like a hurricane, and sometimes there is a dry spell. When there is a mismatch between two partners' libido, it can be the perfect storm for intimacy disruption.

Health

Physical health, mental health, medications can all factor into physical intimacy. Sometimes we are powerless to our health issues. Sexual dysfunction disorders can also be a factor impacting the relationship.

Stress

Stress impacts sex drive. When you are stressed, the body releases cortisol, which will reduce sexual impulses. Stress also can make you feel tired, withdrawn, or anxious, leaving you with no energy to engage in sex.

Outside Influences

Influences that can impact our sexual relationships include jobs, children, finances, grief, aging, body image, and even boredom. Sometimes these factors are in our control and sometimes not.

Addiction

If one or both partners struggle with addiction, it will certainly impact the sexual relationship. It can lead to sexual abuse, so it a very serious issue. Addiction can be alcohol, drugs, prescriptions, porn, or gambling. If addiction is a factor, get help before addressing physical intimacy within the relationship.

Why Intimacy Needs to be Addressed

If couples do not fix sexual intimacy within the relationship, then resentments build. These resentments can spill over to other areas of the relationship, which leads to tension. It is essential to communicate with your partner about sexual concerns or needs in the relationship. If this is difficult, a certified sex therapist can help you navigate the waters.
Sex therapy can help couples address issues, build intimacy, and find confidence independently and together. The right sex therapist will help you learn to communicate with one another without attacking or feeling blame.
Here are some helpful suggestions for couples who are looking to prevent intimacy issues or change a current pattern:

• Prioritize the relationship- Couples need to set aside time for one another. Communicate with each other for how that may look for you. Perhaps it is a few nights a week or just one night a week. It can be a time for a date, walk, dinner, cuddling, or physical intimacy.
• Discover a mutual habit- Find something you enjoy and engage in together. Maybe it is exercise, board games, or even inside jokes. Also, incorporate daily routines that are meaningful such as kissing before saying goodbye, making breakfast, or packing your partner's lunch. These little things are thoughtful and loving.
• Flirt- Flirt because it is fun! What can flirting look like? Sending texts, using pet names, taking care of your appearance, and wearing your favorite lipstick can be flirting. So put in a bit of effort to keep the flirting alive.
• Put in a little work- Sometimes, building intimacy will take a bit of work. You may have to practice being romantic, affectionate, or cuddly. If it is important to your partner, though, it is worth the effort.
• Set the mood- Learn what makes you feel sexy. It can be relaxing in a bath, dressing sexy, playing music, a massage. Explore what relaxes you and sets the environment. If you are mentally in a good place before physical intimacy, you may let go of expectations.
• Get help- Whether, through work with a therapist, a couples retreat or speaking with your doctor about sexual dysfunction, addressing the underlying issues will help heal sexless relationships.

There is Hope for Sexless Relationships

There are relationships where one partner cannot match their partner's intimacy needs. When this is the case, you may have to consider if the relationship can continue. But, always try to communicate or get help before cheating on your partner or leaving.
Most couples can find a successful balance. Through communication and prioritizing intimacy, couples can see improvement.