Is it Even Possible to Have a Successful Relationship During a Pandemic?
You may be aware of couples who are separating or who have divorced in the last year. Why is this happening?
Well, there have been many contributing factors. You can say some families are too close or spending too much time in the home, quarantine, unemployment, politics, principles, and changing values all have had an impact.
It has many wondering, including myself, if it is even possible to have a successful relationship in 2021?
I know the answer is yes, not only because I see couples still doing it everyday but because somehow I have managed to maintain a relationship. I also research, work with therapists and coaches, and write about relationships for a living, so I have learned a lot about what some may say are the secrets of success in this backward world.
Let’s dive into some secrets to success in creating and maintaining a relationship during times of chaos.
The Role of Resentment in Our Relationships
The pandemic has put a unique strain on couples because of an underlying parasite: resentments.
Resentments certainly can break a relationship. No relationship can be free of grievances, but is there a way to minimize their impact?
You likely guess I will answer yes, so how can we learn to love and respect our partner while keeping anger and fear to a minimum. My qualifications for talking about this include participation in a 12-step program for several years where I have learned how to handle resentments, so they do not damage me internally.
Part of the solution is meeting your partner by looking at the world through their lens. Why do they feel how they feel? Act how they act? Handle situations in the matter they do? If you are not sure, then ask!
In a 12-step program, we handle resentments by writing them down, noting how they make us feel, how they affect our lives, and then we take a good look at our part in the resentment.
For example, say I am resentful my partner works 12 hour days. It makes me feel ignored and undervalued. It is affecting my life because I have to pick up all the other work around the home. But my part is I could pick up an extra side gig at some point to help financially, spend less, or understand I’m not showing gratitude for the work he is doing for the family.
Now comes the painful part, the amends, but it feels better once it is complete. I acknowledge I have been salty, and I state I should not have behaved in that way and ask how I can be a better partner in the future. Then I make a solid effort to change. Some may call it taking the high road.
The beauty of amends is it is a contagious phenomenon. The more it is practiced and implemented, the more likely others in your life will also do the same. Then we are all trying to be better humans, which is beautiful. Even if not, at least you are doing your role.
Understanding the Love Languages
You may have heard of the five love languages:
- Words of Affirmation- Saying supportive things
- Acts of Service- Doing helpful things
- Receiving Gifts- Giving gifts when you’re thinking about them
- Quality Time- Spending meaningful time with one another
- Physical Touch- Being close and touched by your partner
It is about compassionate assertiveness, which uses your voice to make requests with compassion for the relationship. It is a beautiful thing to speak up without the fear of rejection or without fear of hurting another. All deserve to be heard in a safe and compassionate matter.
By learning to communicate effectively, openly, and through giving selflessly, couples can grow together. Joy is found not just in receiving but also in giving. It only takes effort and a conscious decision every day to do good.
Meeting Someone New
What if you are trying to date in 2021? Can you meet someone during a pandemic? It is undoubtedly becoming easier now than it was a year ago. I have learned many people are taking relationships at a slower pace, which is a beautiful reality because I believe everyone rushed relationships before 2020.
People are spending more time on the phone or virtual chatting before meeting in person. Because many restaurants are still closed in many states, couples have had to be more creative with dates. Spending time outdoors, cooking, or doing volunteer work have all become more mainstream.
Online dating is still a smart way to meet someone new. I think the pandemic has given way to incredible volunteer opportunities and offers a great way to meet like-minded people. We may not meet new partners in bars or at the office, but the pandemic has opened doors to fresh, beautiful possibilities.
Should We Say Goodbye
The question has been asked, can you or should you say goodbye during a stressful time? Stress brings out the worst in all of us. In instances of abuse, then no, you should never tolerate it. Otherwise, time shows us if the relationship can withhold the stressor.
Couples can address relationship issues with time, patience, understanding, and effort. I have often experienced and witnessed the ending of a relationship only to have it met with regret, whether immediately after or some years later. There are always exceptions where both end up happier, but it is worth continuing the work if you are in love.
Relationships will be work, and they are never going to be easy, just like parenting, your job, living through a pandemic, or fighting through life. But it is meaningful to have love. The reward of having a soulmate is a gift not everyone is lucky enough to possess. I don’t think it is something to try to recycle for something better. You may not be so fortunate the next time around.
So fight for your successful relationship this year, next year, and for many years to come.